August 2023 marked my 10^th year as a living kidney donor. I celebrated this Kidneyversary milestone with a walk in the woods and a trip to the seaside, all the while thinking about my recipient, my beloved half-sister. Sadly, my half-sister died from metastasised breast cancer three years after the transplant and for a number of years this impacted my relationship with my donation and my story. But I know how proud she was of me and how much she would want me to tell others about kidney donation and its positive effects. So for her, I tell the story of my decision to donate, the impact it had on both of us, and how I’m feeling now. 

There are many reasons why a person might decide to donate a kidney to a loved one or, as a totally altruistic act, to a complete stranger. Yet the overarching motivation behind making such a big decision is that you wish to give someone else a better life.

The reason why I decided to donate a kidney to my half-sister was fourfold. She was diagnosed with the same genetic renal condition that her father had died from and went on the waiting list and, well, waited! But eventually her kidney function dropped so low that it was certain she needed to go on dialysis and she began to write a living will.

It was hearing this news that first prompted me to find out if I could be the donor she had been waiting for. This initial impetus was coupled with the plain fact that for all of my life my older half-sister had been there for me when I really needed her. She always knew how to make things better and I wanted to return the favour.

In order to be sure I wanted to start the process, I invoked my ‘deathbed rule’ and soon discovered that when I would eventually look back on my life, this act would be something I would be proud of. Finally, I knew that if there was a chance I could donate, there was no way I wouldn’t because I was not about to stand by and see her health diminish so rapidly.

Once I decision to donate I contacted the transplant coordinator at the hospital where my half-sister was being treated and told her that I’d like to donate a kidney if possible. An appointment was made and within a couple of weeks I travelled to the hospital to talk over the prospect of donating.

At the appointment, I was told what tests were to be conducted on me that day and, if my half-sister and I were compatible, how we would proceed. The blood tests were painless, but the wait for this first set of results was not! It took a month before we knew that immunologically my half-sister and I were a match and that the next stage – a full medical evaluation – could go ahead.

At that time, 2013, this full medical evaluation included an ECG, an X-ray, and a CT scan, all of which were completely painless. This was followed by a psychological assessment to ensure I understood the emotional effects of donating a kidney. I was asked why I wanted to donate, whether I understood the serious physical demands such a procedure would place on my body, and whether I had given thought to the lasting psychological effects it would have. I explained why I wanted to donate and that I understood the consequences of my actions. What I didn’t know at the time was how much of a lasting, positive impact the donation would have on my sense of self.

Following the operation, my half-sister’s health improved immediately! Her skin no longer had a yellowing to it, instead her cheeks were flushed and she looked like herself again. It was such a wonderful feeling to see her looking so well and reminded me why we had undergone months of preparation and such intensive operations. A few months after this came a feeling that has stayed with me even after the tragic loss of my half-sister to cancer.

After struggling for years (over 30 of them at the point of donation!) with a low sense of self-worth, the act of donating made me see how helpful, compassionate, empathetic and valued I am. I remember meeting my half-sister for a joint hospital check-up post-operation and her telling me that the operation had changed her life. I told her that it had changed mine too because it had given me an unshakeable sense of self, something that I had been searching for for a long time. We cried tears of happiness and gratitude that afternoon and these feeling have stayed with me ever since.

Alongside feeling more psychologically empowered than ever, I feel as physically fit as I ever did and still enjoy an active life. Having one kidney has not slowed me down at all, in fact it has made me more determined to live a full, healthy life! It was an experience I will never forget and an achievement that I will always be proud of.

I hope telling my donation story – both the positives and the loss – inspires others to think about donating, whether that’s as a living donor or by joining the NHS Organ Donor Register.

Sharing your wishes with others will let people know what you are thinking and donating can help improve lives, including your own.

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Some advice for anyone thinking of becoming a living donor. It is a hard decision and it is something that needs to be considered carefully. Remember that it IS your choice and one that WILL impact on your life, so make sure you think carefully BEFORE you donate.

Here are a few tips:

• Take your time and consider all the options available to the person you are donating to.
• If you can, talk it over with them and remember to think about how you will feel about the donation.
• Research as much as you can so that you are prepared.
• Feel all the emotions that the experience throws at you.
• Take each step as it comes and take care of yourself throughout (both physically and emotionally).
• Talk things through with everyone that the decision will impact.